Where would I be?!

It's been awhile since I've typed anything on this blog. And I can't say I was too busy because I honestly don't know what I've been doing! So many things are happening at once! I have a tattoo of a cross on my upper left arm, and I am currantly hanging out with Michael, my morning friend at school, now my close cousin's boyfriend, and my future roomate! So yeah, alot has happened! I'm still unemployed :( but I will still try to get a job! I have been working with my uncle occasionally, and he has been paying me, which is a big help. I have money to pay for the first few months of rent! Right now I feel scared, and everyone tells me not to worry, but it's hard not too! Where would I be in the next month or two?!?! I have no clue!!! :(

What if he lived?

What if he lived? Would I exist? My mom thinks I would, but I believe that it may altar the future of them going to San Fransisco, which sadly I found out that's where I got conceived. So would I exist if Michael (the name I gave him) stayed alive?

The reason why I'm going on about this is because right now I'm having doubts with myself and I wonder if Michael would have been better. If he would have been more successful. I bet he would. I bet he would have been great. Instead I feel like I took his place and I'm screwing it up!

Even though he's my older brother that never had the chance to see the world, I still love him and feel very close to him. Maybe because he's my only full blooded brother. No half, no Step. Same mother and father. Why did my mom have to Miss-carry? I have know idea! They say things happen for a reason. So why would Michael have to die and then I appear a couple years later! And on top of that, why was I born then got so sick that I should have died with a high killer temperature, and then lived, being cursed as a warm blooded person who doesn't get along with the sun!

So why didn't Michael live? Oh, in case you didn't know why I named him Michael, it's because when i was little, I use to have an imaginary friend that I claimed as my older brother, Michael. And my mom thought it was weird because I was to young to know about her miscarriage before me.

So even though he never saw the world, I believe he's watching me and I'm living for him. And even though we haven't officially met, I really do love him.

So yeah, that's it.

Ok, right now I feel stuck...

How am I stuck? Well maybe because the last time I typed a blog, I was still in High School! I wasn't even 18! Now I am an 18 year old graduate who feels stuck and scared! What should I do?!?!?! Should I even bother to run out side and scream in the sky saying "HELP!!!!!!!!!!"

I miss my Aunt Kristi and my Uncle Randy! I was with them a couple weeks ago in Lake Forest, California! It was a graduation present from them to fly down there! And it makes me miss them so much now that I'm back! I wouldn't even mind living with them and try going to college down their! I would so ask, but I'm scared too! If only they read my blog (sigh). =[

I'm Sweating like a pig and I have a minor cold, oh and I keep telling people I'm dying and they get rather annoyed of it. But for some odd reason, I have been feeling different. It's really hard to explain, but I feel like I'm going through some bazaar process, like a change. Maybe I'm turning into a Werewolf! That would be so awesome! Or maybe I'm just a guy that has read to much books and has too much fantasy on his brain! Ha ha I am rereading Eclipse before the movie, so maybe that's why I'm so odd. Yes I am indeed a Twilight fan, somebody shoot me!

Well I think I'll be done for the evening! Who knows when I'll be typing another blog!

So take care!

It has been a while...

Guess what I'm doing! I'm at school! In class! Doing this on my phone! Because I'm bored and we all have a study period except those who are taking AP Government tests! Yuck! So yeah, I'm just chilling in the room listening to music. I would read, but I finished the book. Hmmm. Well it's just 9 dayz away tell I'm 18! Scary! Seriously I'm kinda flippin out about it!

Well I guess I didn't have much to say so yeah.

Piece out!

Alex :)

Jobless sucks real bad! :(

I need to put my A-double S into gear! I've applied to Safeway multiple times, no call. So done with that! Maybe I should try to search for jobs out of town. I mean, I know my check would go to gas, but I'll be out of high school in just of couple months, and then ANCan get more hours. I could stay home for a 2-3 days of school, and then the rest could be for FT work for the other 4-5 days! So maybe I should try! Still, money would go to gas. But maybe it could go to other stuff. Hmmm I DON'T KNOW! This is depressing! I don't want to grow up!!!!! :(

Guys arn't supose to like these things... but that soap and shampoo smelled nice!

Yeah I know, again i'm a weirdo. But we are all weird in our own way so... yeah. Whats everybody doing? I have know clue! I look out the window and notice that the snow on the hills havnt melt all the way! Um, I could of sworn it was spring! Winter should be over! But what can we all say, this is Oregon. So those who are new here, well, WELCOME TO OREGON!!!!

It's easter! And I havn't had on piece of chocolate yet! Where is the chocolate?! I do not know! But right now I want a bunny! You know what makes sense? It's that the day after easter, all that candy and chocolate will be alot cheaper! So hmmm, a big bunny for less than $2 or $3 sounds pretty ok!

I am going to have a nice dinner made by my step mom though. It smells so good right now! Mmmm!

Well peeps, I guess thats it! If anyone actually is reading this, well, try to find a way to let me know!

ByeZ

from Al3x!

Mmm love!

I'm happy because I'm talking to my girlfriend! I'm odd, I know! And whats funny is that I'm listening to "Two Is Better Than One" by Boys Like Girls and Taylor Swift! How romantic! lol I'm a goober!

This picture describes her!



I would have put a picture of an angel, but I couldn't find one her pic! (lol I know, I'm smooth.) ;)