What if he lived?

What if he lived? Would I exist? My mom thinks I would, but I believe that it may altar the future of them going to San Fransisco, which sadly I found out that's where I got conceived. So would I exist if Michael (the name I gave him) stayed alive?

The reason why I'm going on about this is because right now I'm having doubts with myself and I wonder if Michael would have been better. If he would have been more successful. I bet he would. I bet he would have been great. Instead I feel like I took his place and I'm screwing it up!

Even though he's my older brother that never had the chance to see the world, I still love him and feel very close to him. Maybe because he's my only full blooded brother. No half, no Step. Same mother and father. Why did my mom have to Miss-carry? I have know idea! They say things happen for a reason. So why would Michael have to die and then I appear a couple years later! And on top of that, why was I born then got so sick that I should have died with a high killer temperature, and then lived, being cursed as a warm blooded person who doesn't get along with the sun!

So why didn't Michael live? Oh, in case you didn't know why I named him Michael, it's because when i was little, I use to have an imaginary friend that I claimed as my older brother, Michael. And my mom thought it was weird because I was to young to know about her miscarriage before me.

So even though he never saw the world, I believe he's watching me and I'm living for him. And even though we haven't officially met, I really do love him.

So yeah, that's it.

Ok, right now I feel stuck...

How am I stuck? Well maybe because the last time I typed a blog, I was still in High School! I wasn't even 18! Now I am an 18 year old graduate who feels stuck and scared! What should I do?!?!?! Should I even bother to run out side and scream in the sky saying "HELP!!!!!!!!!!"

I miss my Aunt Kristi and my Uncle Randy! I was with them a couple weeks ago in Lake Forest, California! It was a graduation present from them to fly down there! And it makes me miss them so much now that I'm back! I wouldn't even mind living with them and try going to college down their! I would so ask, but I'm scared too! If only they read my blog (sigh). =[

I'm Sweating like a pig and I have a minor cold, oh and I keep telling people I'm dying and they get rather annoyed of it. But for some odd reason, I have been feeling different. It's really hard to explain, but I feel like I'm going through some bazaar process, like a change. Maybe I'm turning into a Werewolf! That would be so awesome! Or maybe I'm just a guy that has read to much books and has too much fantasy on his brain! Ha ha I am rereading Eclipse before the movie, so maybe that's why I'm so odd. Yes I am indeed a Twilight fan, somebody shoot me!

Well I think I'll be done for the evening! Who knows when I'll be typing another blog!

So take care!